Things I'll Never Say
by Carlet
Summary: Oneshot. Based off the promo for ep 3x11. "It had been him all along. The one she'd truly wanted. Truly loved. If only she'd told him this sooner. Why did she have to realize this when there was no more time..." Emma and Hook's final interaction before the new curse hits.


**Author's note: Soooo this came to me in a finals induced haze, brought on by wayyyy too much studying. **

**Oneshot. Based off the promo for ep 3x11. **

**Disclaimer: As usual, I don't own anything. Title/plotline based off and inspired by the song Things I'll Never Say by Avril Lavigne, which of course I don't own as well. **

This was it. Emma looked grimly around the town, at the vast amount of purple fog billowing towards them from every direction. Fog that they had valiantly tried, yet ultimately failed to outrun.

Yet again, Pan had succeeded. Just like how he'd succeeded in becoming immortal with Henry's heart, if only for a little over an hour. Except this time, there was no backup plan. No way to escape the effects of the curse. Again.

How ironic that Henry had indirectly broken the original curse, setting off a chain of events that culminated in her breaking the curse. And how it was Henry who had indirectly caused the curse to happen again.

Fate sure had a sense of humor. A twisted one, that is.

All around Emma was clusters of people, people that she'd grown familiar with over the past year. People that in a few short moments, she'd cease to remember. For good too.

She watched as Mary Margaret and David, the people that she was just beginning to accept as her parents, embraced tightly, their lips pressed together, seemingly glued together as if they'd never see each other again. They didn't seem to notice her, standing not twenty feet away.

She wasn't entirely surprised. At the end of the day, Emma knew who her parents chose. The fact that her mother, eternal optimist, had chosen to give up and stay behind in Neverland with her father only served to reinforce that they were each other's priorities.

To her surprise, she was ok with it. To be honest, she'd always known this truth. She couldn't blame them for it. They'd only known her for such a short time, whereas they had a long,rich history together. And she hadn't done anything to make it much easier.

Still, a part of Emma wished their arms were around her. That in her last few moments as Emma Swan, she'd feel her father's strong arms around her, her mother's cheek against hers as they held her in a way she'd always wanted but had never known how to ask for. Something she'd felt briefly when they all thought the black diamond would destroy the town before she'd torn herself away from the warmth of their arms to save the town.

But Emma couldn't bring herself to interrupt their tender moment. They only had a few minutes before the new curse hit, and she knew how valuable their time together was. They were about to be separated indefinitely. Her parents really, truly loved each other in ways that words couldn't describe.

She could only hope that in her next life she'd be that lucky.

With a lump building in her throat, she forced her gaze away, saying a mental goodbye to her parents, silently thanking them for everything they'd given her in their short time together, hoping that their faces would be burned deeply in her subconscious even after she lost her identity.

Next, she turned her attention to Henry. Her son, who was wrapped up in Regina's arms, his face buried in the folds of her coat as Regina rubbed her hand up and down his back and whispered comforting words in his ear, trying to swallow back the tears flowing down her cheeks. Every fiber of Emma's being wanted to rip Henry away, claim him as hers if only for a few more moments.

But how could she do that? For the past 10 years, _Regina _had been Henry's mother. The one to soothe his fevers and calm his nightmares. The one who truly knew how to comfort him. As harsh as it was, Emma had been nothing more than a blip in Henry's life. Regina was his true mother. Not Emma, as much as she tried to make up for it.

How could she deny mother and son that one last tender moment?

Neal was locked in a tight embrace with Gold, who had an arm wrapped around Belle. The odd trio was clustered together, facing each other, backs turned against the world in a sort of shield against their impending doom. It was so raw, so tender that tears began to burn.

Neal was so distracted that he did not seem to notice her eyes burning a hole through him, although she was staring right at him. Funny. For a moment she'd thought for sure that Neal would use this as an opportunity to profess his undying love for her. That he'd break down and apologize for everything they'd been through. That he'd wrap his arms around her and make her feel safe, shielded, at least momentarily.

Emma couldn't blame him for wanting to be with his father in their last moments together. They'd just reunited, after all. And she _had _blown him off for their lunch date. But she couldn't help but feel annoyed. Because of this, she was now alone.

Yes, completely alone. The odd person out in all of the little groups that her family had clustered together. Weird. One always thought that they'd be with their family in their last moments together, but that clearly didn't apply when one's family split into 3 separate formations, all of which she did not entirely belong in.

Maybe this was a subtle way of saying that she _had _no true family.

So this was it. All around her, everyone clung onto their family and friends. Emma glimpsed Ruby and Granny, and a huge circle that had to be the dwarves. But she, Emma Swan, was alone. For a moment, she wished the curse would hurry up and take effect; it was very awkward just standing there watching everyone hug.

As she was backing up, she felt her back collide with something. Or rather, someone. Emma turned to see Hook, whose eyes were downcast and, to her surprise, tinged a slight red. She could see the faint remnants of tear tracks on his face. Had he been crying?

"What's the matter?" She blurted. In the short time she'd known Hook, she'd never known him to be depressed. Angry, vengeful, and flirty. But rarely, if ever, sad.

He gave her a strange look. "Why, the same thing that ails everyone else, love." He answered flippantly. "The loss of my memories."

Oh. Right. "But why?" Emma found herself asking.

He eyed her with a mixture of surprise. "I thought you were smarter than that, lass. I particularly like who I am and shudder at the idea of losing that."

"That's not what I meant."

"Then what _did _you mean?" He raised an eyebrow, dark eyes probing into her light ones, making her uncomfortable.

"I mean..." She stammered. How to say this in the least offensive way possible? "Its...not like you have anyone. That-that you'd miss." She finished awkwardly.

Oh God. Why had she opened her mouth? Stupid, stupid Emma. The only saving grace was that in a few short moments they'd cease to remember any of this.

Hook fixed her with a part bemused, part hurt stare. And that's when she realized. With a jolt, it hit her that _she _was the one that he'd miss. The one that he didn't want to forget. Awkward. How had she not known that? He'd made his feelings for her quite clear in the Echo Caves.

Stupid, stupid Emma.

Thankfully, he ignored her slip up. "The bigger question is, why aren't you with _them_?" He gestured first at her parents, then Henry, and finally Neal. "The family you fought so hard for."

"Oh. Well…you know." She muttered, waving her hand dismissively.

"Would you care to enlighten me, Swan?" He breathed, his face suddenly inches from hers. Emma could feel his hot, rum scented breath on her face. She vaguely marveled at how flustered he still had the ability to make her feel despite the quite dire situation around them.

"No thanks." She answered, her face growing hot. How could she admit that she felt like an outsider in her own family?

"I'll tell you what I think, then." Hook started. "You don't belong with them. Not entirely. I'm right, aren't I?" He smirked slightly. "Like I said. Open book."

Emma looked away, feeling the rushing burn of tears. Despite everything they'd been through, she refused to let him see her cry.

"Guess you're more like me than you ever cared to imagine." Without taking his eyes off her, he slowly raised the flask to his lips.

"I am nothing like you." She said, fully knowing that it was a weak argument. Even she herself had said that they were alike many times before.

"Oh really?" He raised a lazy eyebrow, hand reaching out to thumb away the errant tear that had escaped.

"Yeah." She whispered, not even bothering to wipe away the tears that were following. But even she knew that was a lie. They were two kindred, very similar souls. Two souls, left alone amidst a town full of people with their loved ones. Two souls, who despite everything they'd fought so hard for, were still so lonely. And broken.

They looked at each other for a long moment. And suddenly, their lips crashed together simultaneously. It was neither loving nor gentle. Far from, actually. It was fierce and desperate and longing. Their lips moved against each other, trying to memorize each other's touch and scent.

Trying to burn each other's essence in their memories in hopes that even after losing their identities, they'd somehow remember.

And everything seemed to flow away. The cries, the hugs, the tears. It was just them, two pieces of a broken heart, together. The cold metal of his hook encircling her waist, pulling her close, unable to move away. Not that she wanted to.

A longing feeling bloomed in the pit of her stomach as the dreadful knowledge that they'd be torn apart in a few short moments hit her.

It had been him all along. The one she'd truly wanted. Truly loved. If only she'd told him this sooner. Why did she have to realize this when there was no more time?

_It's ok, Swan._ Emma thought she heard him mutter. How had he known what she was thinking?

_No, it's not._ She yearned to say. But her lips were glued to his, and she couldn't bear to tear them away. Not in the last, God knew how many seconds they had left.

She'd never gotten a chance. And now she never would. A chance to tell him exactly how she felt. Her gratefulness for his part in saving Henry. The way he looked at her and knew her so implicitly.

_It was always you. _She could only hope that she could subliminally say. If only she hadn't been so scared to admit what her heart had known for so long. Ever since the beanstalk, in fact. If only she'd come to terms with her feelings sooner.

And now all they had was this. As the purple fog neared, as it washed all over them, all they had left was the mere seconds before they lost their identities forever.

_I know. _His touch communicated. _I know, love. _

Their lips conveyed what words couldn't say. What she realized she'd wanted to say to him long ago but never had the courage to.

_I love you. _

**Author's note: Hope you enjoyed! This is how I want the ep to play out, but of course that'll never happen. **


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